I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
