You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
