btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
