She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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