Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he was CRYING into my vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
