U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
