Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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