Jerry, you need to find god
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
