Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize