Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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