I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it was like eating out sand paper
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
