she looked like the before picture.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
