You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
