dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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