Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
