you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
