ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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