When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
