is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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