just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
