so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
