I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
