I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
