I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
