the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
