So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
