He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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