I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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