shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Two words: blizzard sex
pray to the hookup gods
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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