I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
