What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
