i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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