Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
