I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
