I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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