fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
