there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
