dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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