tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
