I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
BRING THE BAGELS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
