2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
