The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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