I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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