So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
