I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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