They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
