So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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