dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize