do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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