its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
