i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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