We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
