You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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