feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
