if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
