I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
