i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize