yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
