Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize