Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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