when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
