Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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