My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The power of my boobs compel you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
