smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
