Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
