come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
