i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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