New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
