something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
