gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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