I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
